Not Another Gay Reality Show...... (1290 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.15 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hockyman <hockyman89.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-07-29 20:52:07 EDT
After reading all of these posts about everyone shitting on and hating gays, I thought to myself, "Self, is it someone's fault if they're gay." Now don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming anyone for being gay, so relax. All I'm saying is, are people made gay, and if so, how; or are people destined to munch on carpet and pack fudge from the day they leave their fathers loins. Do boys who shower with their twin brother too much and girls who are breastfed until they're 11 get molded into today's modern super-gay? If so, I'd really be interested to see what worked and what didn't in the creation of a homosexual.
With that said, my proposition to FOX is to create a reality show in which two children are stolen directly from the womb and put into a staged reality setting, a la "The Truman Show." As this baby grew, as would the cruelty and grandeur of the show. I'd start out by making the boy baby, lets call him Todd, play with penis shaped rattles and testicle teething-rings. There would be little male genitalia hanging from his cradle's play wheel and guy poles on his pillow. There would also be 3 mandatory times a day that this baby would get his temperature taken, anally. As he grew into the preschool days, his first pair of shoes would be ruby slippers and he would most certainly be introduced into the world of the "hoses." Forget about Barry Bonds baseball jerseys, Brian Boitano would be Todd's sports hero. He'd watch figure skating when other kids were just getting into the ages when they find their dirty old man's porn stash. He'd be enrolled in ballet classes, and forced to shop at Prada. He'd drink lattes like water and have a rainbow sticker on his Huffy. The Culture Club would be playing looped in his stereo and Cosmo would be his only reading material in the deucin' room. This house and all of the growing up could only take place in one town in the queer Mecca of the US, Provincetown, Mass. This could provide ratings that only Bravo could compete with, with one of their Queer as the Gay Eyed Folk shows. It could even be sponsored by NAMBLA or the Boy George.
Now, after all 16 years of these heavily gay influences didn't work, there would be conclusive evidence that fathers of gay sons don't have to blame their sexual preference on an overbearing mother, or lack of monster truck rally attendance. Parents of gays wouldn't reject their "queer" sons or daughters; in fact, they'd feel lucky to get snake eyes in the genetic roll of the dice. Gay people could even become a hot commodity, auctioned on E-bay and put on the mantle of an Enron exec lucky enough to be the high bidder.
User Reviews
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-06-06 22:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not using punctuation and paragraphs is gay.
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2004-06-06 22:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
classic by me
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-03 00:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What sort of "hockey man" can't spell hockey correctly?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-03 00:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2003-07-30 20:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, finally people are realizing that this wasn't a serious post. Assholes.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2003-07-30 13:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"similar things have been tried with children. one couple even took their baby boy and got him a sex change as a small child, and raised him as a girl, as an experiment. it FUCKED him up, and he later found out why he was different from the other girls. he found out what his parents had done, and eventually ended up commiting suicide."
He's still alive, and has even married a woman. Still can't have sex, though.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-07-30 13:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Gay people could even become a hot commodity, auctioned on E-bay and put on the mantle of an Enron exec lucky enough to be the high bidder. "
+2
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-07-30 11:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good satire
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-07-30 01:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude - no one (I mena *NO-ONE*) is *forced* to shop at Prada! Have you ever worn that stuff? It's fucking sex on a stick. You lay Prada on your back, you lay someone on theirs.
I will advise you to save some cash, go to Prada, buy the shoes, jeans and a hot jacket and shirt, you will have some girl nuzzling your nest in no time.
Good designs.
Submitted by dolphgr13 (user info) at 2003-07-30 00:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
instead of flaming hockeyfag for being the raving homo he is, I'm gonna rate this post on it's merit.
+1 fuckface
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-29 23:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my bad. i thought it was another "i'm 14 and this wacky shit is actually funny to me" post.
i still don't get it, though....
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2003-07-29 23:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because this was vey interesting to read.
As for why people are gay, I don't think that anyone knows and the only way to figure it out would be to fuck up someones life like was suggested here. But we still can't control genetics so any experiment still wouldn't work.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-07-29 22:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking sadistic...
Submitted by Queen (user info) at 2003-07-29 21:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't really know why people become gay, nor really do I care. Allthough I think your idea for this new reality 'test' type show is kindof disturbing, I think only one person will be responsible for the judgement and or untimate knowledge as to gay people's existance. And it isn't us.
Queen
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2003-07-29 21:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a satirical.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-29 21:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
similar things have been tried with children. one couple even took their baby boy and got him a sex change as a small child, and raised him as a girl, as an experiment. it FUCKED him up, and he later found out why he was different from the other girls. he found out what his parents had done, and eventually ended up commiting suicide.
YOU. SICK. FUCK.