bloody mary (1812 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: recipe
Rating: 1.62 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourge (View user info) at 2007-06-25 12:39:47 EDT
A How-To Guide to Creating MY Fabulously Good Bloody Mary
things you'll need to make your bloody mary
1.) V8 or tomato juice - I like to use the spicy V8, but this is preference. V8 is full of vitamins. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
2.) vodka - Don't use cheap vodka. Some people like Grey Goose...I've always liked Ketel One better. Call me a rebel.
3.) tamari OR worchestershire sauce - The sauce is traditional, but I swear I can taste the anchovies in it, so its tamari for me. Google it if you don't know what it is.
4.) ground horseradish - NOT horseradish sauce, that is for children and idiots. Ground horseradish. It should have two or three ingredients listed on the side: horseradish, salt, vinegar...that's it.
5.) chili paste - We're going to make this below. It's fucking good.
6.) lime - One or two. We're going to cut these up and squeeze a bit in there and then maybe slap a wedge on the side of the glass.
7.) celery stick or a scallion - People usually use a celery stick. I use a scallion. Don't use anything if you don't want to. I mean, this is pretty much the equivalent of putting a tie on. And tasty beverages do not need ties.
8.) cocktail shaker - I guess you could use a spoon and stir this up in the glass, but where's the fun in that? Most of you probably don't even own a cocktail shaker, do you?
9.) old-fashioned glass - Or use a Flintstones glass you got for buying a value meal. Or a hollowed out human skull. What do I care how you transport the yummy drink to your mouth?
10.) hands - These are what you normally use for the chronic masturbating. Put down your genitals long enough to make the drink.
how to make my yummy chili paste
1 - 8 oz. can Chipotles in adobo
3 - large cloves of garlic
1 tsp. - ground Red Amazon chili
1 tsp. - ground cascabel chili
1 tsp. - ground pasilla chili
2 tsp. - cumin
1 tsp. - salt
fresh ground black pepper to taste
juice of one lemon
In a food processor, begin by pulsing the garlic until it is finely minced. Add the chipotles and process until smooth. Add all the dry ingredients. Process to combine. Add lemon juice slowly until you have reached desired consistency, about as thick as a thick alfredo sauce.
Set this aside.
You should make this ahead of time, as it tastes best when the flavours all have time to marry and really begin to compliment one another. I always keep some of this in my fridge and use it on everything. Eggs, macaroni and cheese, my nipples. It's great on anything!
assemble your tasty bloody mary
Add 3 oz tomato juice and 1.5 oz vodka to your cocktail shaker over ice.
Add 2 tsps. each of chili paste and horseradish.
Add ½ tsp tamari or Worcestershire sauce.
Shake well.
Strain into old-fashioned glass, leaving ice behind.
Liberally squeeze a quarter of a lime over the top.
Add scallion, celery stick, lime wedge garnish OR any OR none of the above as you see fit
I usually just mix up a big pitcher of these at a time, as I am a raging drunk, but the above is how to make a single solitary serving. To make a pitcher, scourge-style, just use the power of maths on the steps detailed above.
things you'll need to enjoy your bloody mary
A mouth.
Or you could have some of these with a good fry-up breakfast. That's how I like to have them. Big plate of scrambled eggs and extra crispy hashbrowns with grilled onions and cheese. Some spicy cheese grits maybe. Bacon if you're so inclined. (Myself, I don't eat the swine.)
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
You know what? Fuck work for the day. I'm going home to drink some of these. And I'm going to put on some flip-flops.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-10 18:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-06-28 00:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
youd like the "cunt pump"
its a bloody mary and a screwdriver, unmixed served with a tampon
its a real drink, i shit you not
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-27 14:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
really?
sweet.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-06-27 14:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge...
If you make this for me, and give me enough of them, I'll let you take advantage of me.
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-06-27 14:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ketel One= scandanavian vodka=oily=gross
Effen Vodka=better
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-26 14:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-26 05:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and yes to recipe post Monday.
I have gazillions of yummy delights that your taste buds will party over.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-26 05:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I use scallions too..
I love bloody marys
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Useful
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
girl drink drunk below!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me add that it was a gift for someone and im not a raving mint baileys drinker.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought a large bottle of mint baileys last Christmas and put it on top of my wardrobe so I wasn't tempted.
Shame it fell off and broke my toe.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 02:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummm...
I've never had a Bloody Mary.
--
I would've thought you suckled such nectar from your mama's teats.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-26 04:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont like tomato juice.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-26 03:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a good enough excuse for me to go out and buy more vodka. I was starting to run low, and telling myself stupid shit like "y'know, maybe you should try and cut down on the spirits".
Stupid, like I said.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-26 03:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 02:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummm...
I've never had a Bloody Mary
-------------
so life under a rock is comparable to...........what?
BM's are only better when they are a bluddy ceaser - substitute tomato joos for clamato jews.
wicked!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-26 03:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 02:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummm...
I've never had a Bloody Mary.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 02:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummm...
I've never had a Bloody Mary.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-26 00:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew booze would bring her out of hiding.
Hi guys.
Cardinals lost tonight. That sucks.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-25 23:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 23:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
marginwalker!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 23:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
marginwalker!
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-06-25 22:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-06-25 22:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus H Christ, that sounds complicated. You know, I can get smashed by drinking a god-awful bloody mary just the same.
Does sound right tasty, though. I'd like you to tend my bar, if you know what I mean.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 21:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-25 17:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is better (and more informative) than most of the posts on the front page today.
I guess it is '+2 your friends' Monday because there is some godawful disjointed shit racking up some nice ratings.
-
ahahahahahaha
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Isn't 'burnt sugar pie' a euphemism for African-American vagina?
--
Get a life, asswipe.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is better (and more informative) than most of the posts on the front page today.
I guess it is '+2 your friends' Monday because there is some godawful disjointed shit racking up some nice ratings.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-25 15:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, scourge
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yum yum below
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yum.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
loser below
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can only give you a +1 because I didn't post this.
PS. Why doesn't Oathmeal SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR TWO MINUTES?
Go away, dickhead.
_________________
If you didn't want me here, Shlongy, you'd ban me.
We all know you can, and we all know I've raped accounts with this username so you have the grounds.
Not doing so makes you out to be a pussy psuedo-admin.
Keeping me around for your own amusement?
Isn't that what whippets are for?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:29:17 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, I can always tell when you lose an argument because you resort to real-world accusations and first names.
For the record things at work are great. We often joke about the sock post, actually.
So much for the effect you were going for with that one, fatass.
how the fuck were we 'arguing' you dumb piece of shit?
You haven't the wit to argue. You throw lame insults that are neither funny nor insulting.
I was merely illustrating the pointlessness of your miserable poverty sticken existence.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anchovies are in worcestershire???
awww you just put me off that stuff and i loved it :(
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can only give you a +1 because I didn't post this.
PS. Why doesn't Oathmeal SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR TWO MINUTES?
Go away, dickhead.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, I can always tell when you lose an argument because you resort to real-world accusations and first names.
For the record things at work are great. We often joke about the sock post, actually.
So much for the effect you were going for with that one, fatass.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So how's it going at work Bret? People still smirking behind their monitor screens when you walk past whispering about your suicide attempts?
lol
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU, apollo.
And wait just a fucking minute - it's called BURNT SUGAR PIE.
And, scourge said it was 'rich'.
I know nothing of this dish and yet you faggots think it's far-fetched for me to stipulate that it's really sweet?
I AM SO IRRATIONAL AND OVERCONFIDENT WITH MY WORD CHOICE AREN'T I
...dorks.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:02:22 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think a good word to describe that delicacy would be 'saccharine'
I can't handle overly sweet foods. I'm too fucking hardcore for that."""
this tool just gets more and more retarded.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adamdidit2u, fan of 'hot and salty' meals since 1992.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think a good word to describe that delicacy would be 'saccharine'
I can't handle overly sweet foods. I'm too fucking hardcore for that.
========================
Considering this is hot and salty, and hardly sweet at all, I'd have to say your a fucking idiot who tried to use a big word and just reiterated what a fucking epic fail you are at everything you do.
Sounds good for a bloody mary. I usually avoid getting them places because they end up tasting like tomato juice, tabasco, and cheap vodka.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn thats making my mouth water...
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think a good word to describe that delicacy would be 'saccharine'
I can't handle overly sweet foods. I'm too fucking hardcore for that.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shameless linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/u/zimm0r
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you should have posted it as a post
and oathmeal, haha. no. think of almost a pecan pie, but minus the pecans and with a huge vanilla taste. it's very rich, but very good.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Avocado Pie (takes 5 minutes)
1 (9 inch) graham crust
2 avocados pureed
1/2 cup lemon juice*
1 (5 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
DIRECTIONS
Blend that shit up until smooth. Pour it in the shell. Chill. Serve with whipped cream.
* I used lime. It was overwhelmingly limey, like redskieslookfake. I'll either cut it in half with water or milk, or try lemon juice next time.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Isn't 'burnt sugar pie' a euphemism for African-American vagina?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
post that recipe, i'll try it
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I made an avocado pie the other day. Rather, I assembled it because it was no-bake. It tasted like key lime. Weird, but cool.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes rob, as you may or may not know I go out of my way to promote 'gay' here on ubersite.
i readily auto +2 gay as a matter of fact.
so, enchiladas or key lime pie or burnt sugar pie or my buttermilk biscuits, which are the best biscuits in existence. for Brits, think biscuits and gravy, not cookie, when you read the word biscuit in this review.
which one is next?
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for this.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider this RPM...
Recipe Post Monday
---
So gay.
Which, of course, makes it fabulous.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My mission is to get on MVA using only recipe posts.
_____________________________
This site sure could use more recipes.
The drink sounds good though.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually, i don't usually call these bloody marys.
a virgin mary is a little tomato juice and celery salt, a celery stick...blah
a bloody mary is what you think of when you hear that
i call these dominatrix marys.
i wish orgamo WOULD write a bloody mary poem
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just nominated this post to B@W
===
I'LL CRUMPLE YOU
(There you go buddy, your legacy in one word)
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's mad because I just now told him that his suppository 'roids could be inserted with a finger cot and one finger versus the palm, fist himself method.
~Oathmeal Approved~ CRUMPLE time coming up.
You should get this shit copyrighted.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As long as you don't bring your 'roid raging friend you are invited.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's with the yelling match? Can't everyone just drink and be merry?
Scourge, am I invited to your sleepover and should I bring my sleeping bag with pantie shield?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd prefer if you didn't use my name on this site anymore.
Thanks.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
DAMN YOU MATT GETTING IN THE WAY
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lonely hooker below.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, that Oathmeal sure is something else, isn't he folks?
Here's the deal, when I host a sleepover, I'll make everyone bloody marys and biscuits and gravy.
My mom makes the best strawberry rhubarb pie in the world. Ooooh, and burnt sugar pie. Maybe that recipe is next. My mission is to get on MVA using only recipe posts.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh I beg to differ. I'm better at it, as shown here
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109558
There's a hit for ya. And the day what you think of me affects my mood? Yeah, probably best you don't wait for it.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw going home. I need one of these on my desk at work at all time. Preferably in a ridiculously large glass with an umbrella in it.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna have to try this out for sure
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this sounds fabulous.
Im soo glad Im an alco.
If anyone wants a strawberry rhubarb pie, cornish pasties, or sheppards pie receipe Im on it
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sac, it's a good thing one doesn't 'need' repartee to offer biting remarks.
You're just not good at it so you lose on two counts.
It's good though, that you're seeing the logic in my jumping around with user accounts. I'll grant you the mental aptitude of an earthworm for that alone.
Be happy.
That's an upgrade.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Very well. Sounds like too much effort, whereas popping the top on a Saranac or Natty Light doesn't.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, when I call you a neanderthal with steroid rage, it's accurate.
I've never had sex for money, and I'm self-sufficient, so yours isn't as effective.
But NOW we can talk about that time under your last alter when you thought it was worth discussing how I commented on a post with someone "with which I had no repartee." I'd find it, but naturally, you're someone new this week.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol@"socializing outside of the house"
What does that entail?
Trolling for tricks in back alleys you destitute cranktramp?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The likelihood of my going to this much effort for a cocktail are slim, because I tend to do my socializing outside of the house. But goddamn these sound good. I haven't had a bloody mary in a long time, because I'm weird about when I find them appropriate. Now I want one.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It will take some restraint, but I will NOT write a post using this title and go the direction I'm thinking about going.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yum.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah, just in case you didn't figure it out by the ingredients list, these are fairly spicy.
enchiladas it is
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Absolutely fascinating.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A +2 because I actually have most of these ingredients at home, and so am only a quick stop at the specialty store, (and a few more damn work hours) away from this tasty treat.
A figurative additional +2 in hopes you will post the enchilada recipe over the key lime. I would actually give you another plus two, but that takes too much effort so fuck off.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all in favor of splitting a giant pitcher of bloody mary with a side beautiful gooey omelete...
mmmmmmmmm
bastard. I'm already at work!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider this RPM...
Recipe Post Monday
Next week we'll visit my fabulous enchiladas, or maybe Key Lime Pie.