Cheesesteak And Ass (6406 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.01 on 277 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2007-06-14 04:24:36 EDT
Alternate Title: My Cell Phone's Predictive Text Messaging Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself
I was sending a text message to a friend of mine tonight. The message as a whole is not important, but it began as:
It's kind of ironic that I had to get a new cell phone a few weeks ago.
To give some background, I was robbed a few weeks ago at pseudo-gunpoint in the parking garage at Majestic Star Casino in Gary, IN at 11:30 PM on a Tuesday. I was going there for a midnight poker tournament and had just stopped at an ATM beforehand, so the guys got about $400, my wallet, and my cell phone. I reported it, but everybody from the casino employees to the police officer basically said "It happens all the time", that there were no cameras in the parking garage (!!), and that there was nothing they could do outside of filing the report. What sucked more was since I now had no cash and no ATM card, I couldn't even play in the poker tournament and I had to get back in the car and go home.
That said, back to the text message...
I was entering the phrase "I had to get". I finished entering the word "get" and then hit a space, and the predictive text messaging popped up the predicted next word: "cheesesteaks".
?
It was a little bit weird because I was about to eat a chicken sandwich, but I had actually been thinking of getting a cheesesteak just a few minutes earlier. How on earth did the cell phone know that? I'm guessing the phone keeps a memory of the messages you use and I know I've used the phrase "We're going to get cheesesteaks", but how many times could I have said that? Is it simply reading my mind?
Anyway, I deleted the word "cheesesteaks" and entered the next word / letter: "a".
When I typed the "a", the predictive text messaging autocompleted this as the next word: "ass"
???
Ok, now I KNOW I've never used the phrase "I had to get ass". Have I used the word "ass" so many times that the letter "a" alone is enough to assume that I'm going to finish it out with "ass"? Anyway, after, alone, admire, also, ate, art, amaze, astonish, .... ASS?
Still, I have to give my cell phone credit in that it had a fairly exciting night in mind. It's predictive text messaging mocked me and pointed out how lame my plans for the evening really were.
I got a chicken sandwich. I would have preferred a cheesesteak and ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by 200killerwasps (user info) at 2008-08-09 05:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone ever intended to type something, but somehow wrote something altogether different because they weren't thinking? I once tried writing "Oh bad luck man" but ended up with "haha noob".
Oh the conversation that followed...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-23 17:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Message I tried to send:
Hey, could you stop at the general store on your way home and get me some mascara?
Message sent:
Hey, could you stop at the genocide store on your way home and get me some massacre?
Well played, Motorola, well played...
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2007-07-17 13:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-08 18:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on bart, I'm a lovable scamp! You know you want to give me back my ratings.
Submitted by Serfuzz (user info) at 2007-07-03 15:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-28 12:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I remind you that I am amusing and charming and would never do anything again to inconvinence you would you give me back my ratings?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-06-25 02:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it, but I'll play along.
Go bart, etc.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-25 02:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, the only person I've ever went through and -2d all of his posts was Scourge, and he is a Cardinals fan. Also my ratings didn't count at the time.
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-06-25 01:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK YOU
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-24 18:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-24 18:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The Republican party is anti-France. You know who else was anti-France? HITLER!!
George W. Bush's war is killing hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians. You know who else killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens? Well, nobody, but SADDAM HUSSEIN killed a bunch!!!
Ron Paul supports a small federal government. You know else supported a small federal government? THOMAS JEFFERSON!!!!
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You know what else Thomas Jefferson supported? Giving me back my ratings.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-22 00:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-22 00:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just fucking laughing
nothing witty to say.
GIVE DARKO BACK HIS RATINGS!
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2007-06-19 17:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehehe... orange crush out the nose doesn't feel so great
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 16:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2007-06-19 16:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 15:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
everybody on über sucks at pornography, I hardly ever am able to masturbate to the stuff on here.
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ha ha ha
Darko needs his ratings back
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-19 04:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 05:01:13 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-06-18 23:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BECAUSE I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
IF Darko gets his ratings back, I'll show him my boobs.
Thanks you.
---------------------------
THINK OF THE BOOBS!!
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BART GIVE DARKO HIS RATINGS BACK....fuck man, theres boobs on offer.
+2 Darko.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-06-19 04:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I gave him a -1 for the same reason, Bobla.
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Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because you are the omnipresent Bart..
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Interesting story. I dont think it is worth all the hoopla which it has received, nor being on the most heated board. If joe_blow the n00b posted this he woulda probably gotten maybe 500 hits, and a lot more -2s.
Rate because of the story, not because who someone is!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 00:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-06-18 23:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BECAUSE I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
IF Darko gets his ratings back, I'll show him my boobs.
Thanks you.
---------------------------
THINK OF THE BOOBS!!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-18 18:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109345
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-06-18 16:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My predictive text only tells me to attempt spontaneous human combustion and defecate in the salad bar at Wendy's.
Sucks you got mugged.
With any luck the guy will end up at a Wendy's after I've sent a text message to myself.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-18 16:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109339
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-06-18 09:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish my predictive text told me secrets about my own life... Damn free phones...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-18 09:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i have no predictive text.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-06-18 07:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure, Gary isn't Chicago but it still has the same Democrat anti-gun leadership that actually used the city to sue gun manufacturers for their terrible crime. They lost.
Plus, the mayor of Gary is either is stuck in 1976 or he's a major Kool & The Gang fan...
http://www.rudyclay.com/photos.html
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-18 07:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No....... Indiana is located within the Temple Of Doom.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-18 05:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A little tip to the geography wizards out there: Gary, Indiana is not located within the boundaries of Chicago, Illinois.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-06-18 02:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone sticking an unknown thing into your back should suddenly be put face to face with a chrome polished desert eagle (with laser sight).
Oh yeah... Chicago has some of the most strict gun laws in the United States. Nice to see how that has created a crime-free utopia.
I saw Mayor Daley whining about guns on TV the other day....man, I'd love to punch him in the face if it wasn't for the fact that some organized crime syndicate would bury me for messing with their guy.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-06-18 01:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, darko. I had to admire the execution of it, but I did also write I was appalled.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-17 23:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm drunk
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-17 22:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://gabbly.com/www.ubersite.com
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-17 22:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-06-17 18:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was amused and slightly apalled by the casual cruelty with which you crushed darko.
:(
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-06-17 21:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whats with the gree highlighting?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-17 19:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart isn't like us common folk. He's too good to talk to people who he hasn't seen in real life.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-06-17 18:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was amused and slightly apalled by the casual cruelty with which you crushed darko.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-06-17 18:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just read most of these reviews and any derogatory comments I might have made about said reviews are totally negated by that fact. Dammit.
THORPE.
Hook me up with English muffins. I will be your friend. And crumpets. No, I will not be your crumpet, I want crumpets. I can't get them in Sweden. I'll send you vodka and blond girls, on arrival of muffins and crumpets. And pfff, don't tell me england is closer, for some reason I've never been able to find the proper English muffins and crumpets in England.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-17 15:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bart, an uberer could come to my house, buy me dinner, and give me a handjob, and it wouldn't void their internet stranger label.
===
Wait, so you're saying I have a chance? I can come to your house?!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-06-17 15:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean people have actually MET the Bart Man? He's real?!?!
*Swoon*
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Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pen_name: Most of the people I'm replying to are not strangers to me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-17 15:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to think you put the "give darko back his ratings" on the uberboard.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-17 05:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Check out these pictures of Gary, IN: http://www.growingchicago.com/images/other/mypicsVI/
The casino is obviously pretty busy, but it's not in downtown.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 23:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-16 22:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got burned.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-16 21:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 20:31:38 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-16 18:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 09:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, don't ever give darko back his ratings.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 21:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-16 18:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 09:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, give darko back his ratings.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-16 18:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 09:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, give darko back his ratings.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-16 09:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, I like this place.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 05:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you are text messaging about baseball one day and you send "maybe another throw?" in some context, and you get "male" and "ass" and "the village people," each time, what are you going to do? Or maybe if you just put in "I..." and it goes "I love male ass!"? How would you feel? Would you reflect on your sexuality?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 05:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love how hidden is refering to his debate with Bart like it's some sort of dramatic physical conflict... which actually adds to Bart's theory. "Oh, so you trying this strategy! Well fortunately for me I expected it! En garde!"
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-16 04:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To me, being robbed and essentially saying to the guy "No, I will not give you my wallet, I will physically fight you for it" seems like such a funny concept. I think if I am ever robbed I am going to be overly relying on the power of ridicule.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-16 04:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahh, the classic "you're obsessing over me" line. used to discredit the other person by making them appear to be an obsessive nut while diverting attention away from yourself. it was a nice try.
ok, i'll stop. since you didn't explain yourself any further than "i was pinned down", we'll all just assume you're a big pussy that got manhandled and gave up his wallet like a bitch.
ps- i caught an inbound mortar with my bare hands today and threw it back over the mountains. i hear it destroyed three dwellings in the village it landed in.
I EAT GUNS AND CRAP WAR!!!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 02:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least my stalker-like trolling of your post was benevolent, Bart.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-16 02:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i think there's something bart isn't telling us here that makes him look like a giant pussy."
Dude, let it go. Go obsess over somebody else already.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-15 19:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This site is not lame and pointless? I really enjoy it?
Unblock my IP address? Someday? I hate pop-ups. I gave you a +2.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is pretty odd.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I gave him a -1 for the same reason, Bobla.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because you are the omnipresent Bart...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-15 09:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2007-06-15 07:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When I try to T9 the word holocaust on my phone, it comes up.... "didn't happen"
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I didn't know blaupunkt made fones
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-15 09:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"blah blah been my experience that when you don't give them anything they eventually let you go and give you a popsicle and apologize for the inconvenience blah blah blah"
Horseshit. Yeah, they either let you go or shoot you. I'd rather part with a bit of cash.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-15 07:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"In my experience, if you tell them to get fucked, they're usually too nervous to actually do anything about it. Most of them just assume you'll shit your pants and give up what they want."
that's usually how it works. if you refuse to give him anything, eventually the guy has to let go, even if it's to try to reach in your pocket and grab the wallet himself. that's when you fight back.
so how did he get your wallet, bart? did he reach in your pocket and get it? or did he let go of you so you could give it to him? i mean, you said he had you pinned, so it's not like you could have reached for your wallet and cell phone while pinned.
i think there's something bart isn't telling us here that makes him look like a giant pussy.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2007-06-15 07:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When I try to T9 the word holocaust on my phone, it comes up.... "didn't happen"
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-06-15 06:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I at first I assumed you sissied out, but reading the description, that's a pretty rough position to get caught in. I probably would have probably tried to pretend my wallet or celphone was in my pocket, grabbed my assisted-open knife, and administered a prompt shanking. At least, I'd like to think I would, but it's a tough call when you're in a compromised position like that. That being said, I have had 3 separate dickfucks try to rob me, and none of them got a penny. In my experience, if you tell them to get fucked, they're usually too nervous to actually do anything about it. Most of them just assume you'll shit your pants and give up what they want.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-15 05:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*pokes head out of tent*
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-15 05:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but if the post was about the texting, then why all the fuss about mugging. after re thinking it, that is the basic tragedy here.
are we so cold in the old world not to have noticed it or are the yanks too "sensitive" to such matters (for lack of a better term and not to offend) that they are horrified by blatant aggression, yet only superficially as they have more of that kind of stuff going on than we do.
im not slagging anyone, it just interests me from a social point of view
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-06-15 05:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*is in "New England, USA".... not "Englund"
i neglected the mugging because the post was about his texting thing
if he wanted to post about the mugging itself, i would have expected it to have happened earlier
and steak & cheeses rule
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-15 03:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just outta curiousity, i looked again what the yanks would say on all this.
interesting to note that those in this time zone (europe) talked about cheese and whatnot, ignoring the fact that a man was robbed, which is a dramatic and shitty thing to have happened. the yanks dwelled on this point and ignored, for the most part, the stupidity that was spawned by us on the other side of the pond.
why is that?
why are we indifferent to something like this?
why did the americans shit themselves so over 9/11 but the british (and to an extent the spanish) took thier train bombing in stride and got over it as a part of life, mostly forgoten now.
in reflection, why didn't the robbery evoke a feeling of trauma as it did in the yanks?
does europe miss this kind of unity and empathy for thier fellow man or are we here so used to this type of struggle that we (they, as i have only been here ten years)take it in stride?
interesting social conditioning.
enough camping, now let's see some NSFW!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-15 02:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeeehaw!
Morons.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-15 00:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps- you're right. i was skimming through and only really read the line i quoted. you still didn't man up and tell the guy "fuck you- what's mine is mine" while he had you pinned. what, are you afraid to get punched? too funny...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-15 00:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you should take a self defense course like those women who have been raped in parking lots.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-15 00:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't get lippy with me, son, because i'll come over there and twist your fucking head off.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-15 00:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I can guarantee that you would have shit yourselves in this exact same situation."
Ok, I revise my statement. Anybody here except for Mr. I Eat Guns And Crap War hidden101 would have shit themselves in the exact same situation.
It's pretty clear you didn't read my actual description of what happened, but if you had, you would realize I couldn't slug the guy because my arm was pinned against the console and he had his hand under my chin with my neck twisted around about 90 degrees.
Of course that's nothing to a war hero like you, but to a mere mortal like me it's a pretty solid "pinned for the three count" situation.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-14 23:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keep your political bullshit off my post. The world would not suddenly be a big glowing utopia if the gun laws of Illinois were changed one day. The world is fucked up and will continue to be no matter what the law says.
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Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-14 20:02:34 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I expected better of you.
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idonotlikeilikesteakanymore
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It worked! Said my name. Took a while, but basic recognition from the site creator was a goal. Internet sociology is great.
You know you love me. Everybody does. I'm infectious and addictive, like AIDS and cocain.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So this is where all the reviews are.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not a betting man. Never have been.
But if I went to the track and there was a race horse named "Cheesesteaks and Ass" I'd throw a souple hundred down.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Balls O' Steel!
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gary, Indiana
Gary Indiana
Gary Indian
Not New York, Paris or Rome
BUT
Gary Indiana
Gary Indiana
Gary Indiana
My home sweet home!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"For those of you pretending to be bad asses here, I can guarantee that you would have shit yourselves in this exact same situation."
ahahahahahahaha
what a pussy!
i've been in two warzones, son. not much unnerves me. i don't "shit myself" when i'm being shot at, so i don't think some street punk pretending to have a gun is going to scare me no matter how big he is. (well ok, unless he's like that big cock diesel wrestler i saw on TV a couple weeks ago) i've had guns in my face, been shot at plenty of times, been mortared and rocketed plenty of times,let's not forget a couple of roadside bombs, and have taken my fair share of beatings.
you don't have to be a "300lbs linebacker" to sock someone in the jaw. you just gotta have a pair of nuts. it doesn't matter if he's a lot bigger than you. you tell him "fuck you- what's mine is mine" and then kick him in the nuts if he's too tall to reach with your fist. or shit, it takes about two seconds to grab my tire iron and start breaking bones. then again, you have a regular Cherokee and have to get it out of the back and lift your spare to get yours. all i have to do is lift my seat without any latch release and grab it and start swinging. i'd keep a short little league bat behind your driver's seat or keep your tire iron accessible (no, not the 4 spoke kind, stupid).
you don't need a gun, nor do i recommend one in the hands of someone like you, but the possibility of being assaulted is a reality and you should at least be somewhat prepared to deal with it. especially if you go to northwest IN, of all places.
you can act like it's a fantasy all you want, but i've seen plenty of smaller guys stand up to big guys and win. i knocked out a dude that was 60 or 70 pounds bigger than me when the adrenaline started pumping.
or you can just keep giving these street punks your wallet like a pansy and they'll keep doing it because cowards like you make it easy for them. they choose easy targets- women and girly men.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's the deal: If you want and have to go play poker you'll take Skrap with you, you hear?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I keep my ratings bullshit on your post?
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why go all the way to Gary?
Potawatomi is where it's at.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keep your political bullshit off my post. The world would not suddenly be a big glowing utopia if the gun laws of Illinois were changed one day. The world is fucked up and will continue to be no matter what the law says.
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Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-14 20:02:34 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I expected better of you.
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idonotlikeilikesteakanymore
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have been in the situation that Bart described and legally reacted as I describe he might have. A man pointed a gun at me and my girlfriend (at the time) and demanded our money. His gun was real, his threat was real. I showed the grip of my pistol in its holster, which is usually enough to deter a coward. His bullet missed me and struck the wall near my girlfriend - she was cut by the brick shards. My defense was real. The man that tried to rob us is dead, of a bullet wound to his neck. I still have the pistol, although I have a different carry weapon now.
Is that "Okay"? No, obviously not. "Okay" would have been if I, if Bart, if everyone who's been robbed had never been robbed. No one needed to be placed in fear for their life over $400, no one needed to die bleeding and crying and gasping for his mother before the ambulance (that I called) arrived. But Bart did not ask to be robbed; neither did I. Is it not "Okay" that when faced with this situation, we act?
---
Holy fuck. Even if yer completely full of shit that is a stunning parable.
... and I don't think you are.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-14 20:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-------
are you trying say that if he'd had a gun everything would have been okay'
------
Well, of course not. That would be foolish, and I am not a fool. What I'm saying is that if a) he'd been legally able to carry a gun and b) actually had one, and c) was prepared to use it properly, Bart may not have been robbed. In fact, if his assailant pressed the issue, Bart may have removed a threat to decent society, which not only would have served Bart in the short term but you and I and and everyone else in the long term. Given his options, Bart made the wise decision to give up his money and not risk his life. With difefrent options, perhaps it would have ended differently. I say this because I know.
I have been in the situation that Bart described and legally reacted as I describe he might have. A man pointed a gun at me and my girlfriend (at the time) and demanded our money. His gun was real, his threat was real. I showed the grip of my pistol in its holster, which is usually enough to deter a coward. His bullet missed me and struck the wall near my girlfriend - she was cut by the brick shards. My defense was real. The man that tried to rob us is dead, of a bullet wound to his neck. I still have the pistol, although I have a different carry weapon now.
Is that "Okay"? No, obviously not. "Okay" would have been if I, if Bart, if everyone who's been robbed had never been robbed. No one needed to be placed in fear for their life over $400, no one needed to die bleeding and crying and gasping for his mother before the ambulance (that I called) arrived. But Bart did not ask to be robbed; neither did I. Is it not "Okay" that when faced with this situation, we act?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-14 21:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I expected better of you.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-14 20:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In Chicago, in all of Illinois, there is no legal concealed carry of firearms. Rather strict in comparison to the rest of the country, actually. Thus Bart was not carrying a firearm at the time he was accosted and was therefore subject to the whim of a lawbreaker. Had he been legally permitted to carry a weapon and had he opted to do so, perhaps the outcome of the story would have been different. Bart is in fact a victim of both a criminal AND the too-restrictive gun laws of his home state. The guy who robbed him probably noted the Illinois plates on Bart's car and so knew he would not have a gun with which to defend himself. As cowards, criminals will certainly choose easier (read 'weak and/or likely unarmed') targets, and so we get this post instead of "Cheesesteak and Ass, and how I shot a mugger before winning at poker".
-------
are you trying say that if he'd had a gun everything would have been okay'
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 20:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cheesesteak and Ass, and how I shot a mugger before winning at poker".
-----------
That would have made for a kick-ass post.
-------
Just sayin'.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-14 19:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-06-14 19:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i thought they didn't allow smokes around casinos anymore
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-06-14 19:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
their, rather.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bart, an uberer could come to my house, buy me dinner, and give me a handjob, and it wouldn't void their internet stranger label. They're very participation in the depravity which is Ubersite limits how much trust and/or respect I could give them.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cheesesteak and Ass, and how I shot a mugger before winning at poker".
-----------
That would have made for a kick-ass post.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally, I believe that anything with vegemite and cheese, is awesome
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bart has negotiated very well for himself over the past few years with his abnormally deep thoat and lack of a gag reflex.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That sounded funny until I read it back.
Ignore rather drunken Merlina bakc from her hhholidayyss...
*sigh*
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and Bart....
notice I have not only read but RATED a post of yours.
I bet you're so excited. :-P
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 18:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought that americans were all protected from robbery with their loose gun laws.
that's often the argument brought up anyway :-P
-------
In Chicago, in all of Illinois, there is no legal concealed carry of firearms. Rather strict in comparison to the rest of the country, actually. Thus Bart was not carrying a firearm at the time he was accosted and was therefore subject to the whim of a lawbreaker. Had he been legally permitted to carry a weapon and had he opted to do so, perhaps the outcome of the story would have been different. Bart is in fact a victim of both a criminal AND the too-restrictive gun laws of his home state. The guy who robbed him probably noted the Illinois plates on Bart's car and so knew he would not have a gun with which to defend himself. As cowards, criminals will certainly choose easier (read 'weak and/or likely unarmed') targets, and so we get this post instead of "Cheesesteak and Ass, and how I shot a mugger before winning at poker".
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-14 17:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't use predictive text. The Bloke does - but I get pissed by the stupid suggestions
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahem, Bart, it appears that you once again overlooked me in your responses. I'm sure it had everything to do with your wonderful recant of that scary robbery and I agree with you that is quite a willy nilly to get out of. I'm sure that it was a small mistake that you may have missed the review I left for you giving the recipe out to all uber populace. Sorry, that recipe is too good to keep exclusive. How did your ribs turn out anyway? I hope they were good. No more banishment for sicosemen. That is all, thanks.
Submitted by DiamondEyes228 (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cell phone text suggestions are always pretty funny. on my phone, if you type "can" it suggests "cantankerous" and "cantaloupe" before it suggest "can't", as if the former 2 words are more commonly used than "can't".
anyway. thanks for sharing. about your weird phone.
and getting ass.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Predictive text makes me feel helpless and out of control and thus causes me to become angry at an inanimate object.
Predictive texting capabilities = loss of emotional stability.
I should do a study.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pen_name: Most of the people I'm replying to are not strangers to me.
no1hasdis: Exactly. The weirdest part was that after it was over, I didn't really care. I wasn't stressed or freaked out and was very calm talking to the police until the casino manager told me they had no security and I yelled at him a bit.
Caulaincourt: Nobody cares. Don't make me block your IP address again!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought that americans were all protected from robbery with their loose gun laws.
that's often the argument brought up anyway :-P
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For those of you pretending to be bad asses here, I can guarantee that you would have shit yourselves in this exact same situation. The only thing that would have allowed me to get out of this situation is a handgun in my center console or maybe another 100 lbs. of muscle. Since I'm not a 300 lb. NFL player with guns in my car, the only real option was to play along. Had we both been standing up free of obstacle and he approached me, I would have taken him on one-on-one or just ran away.
---------------------
Everyone thinks they are Rambo from a third party perspective. The reality is it can happen so fast, and when you are caught off-guard and uncertain if there is weapon or not, it is often not even clear what to do. By the time your brain catches up with what's happening it can already be to late. There is also a huge difference between walking around a rough area where you can see others approaching and are already on alert, and when you are in a situation where it is totally unexpected and you are already in a compromising position from a defense standpoint.
Sorry to hear you got robbed. More then the even money, getting robbed can just be a stressful event in terms of the feeling of violation after the fact.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-14 16:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love how even Bart cares what internet strangers think. I always assumed he had a nice tinfoil hat to protect him from that sort of thing.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"if there was some sort of metaphorical meaning to that, i certainly didn't get it.
i don't think there was."
This isn't a biblical parable. You either think it's funny that a cell phone text message would predict the words "cheesesteaks" and "ass" or you don't.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Bart, next time you go out like that, do what I do, carry an "extra" small wallet with about 10 bucks in it and old expired credit cards and a few pictures...a dummy wallet if you will."
Maybe I'll just send a body double in one of my 24 different Jeep Cherokees.
Yes, I know Gary, IN is a shithole. If you didn't know that before you got there, it's pretty obvious once you arrive. However, that's the only casino in the area that has a poker room.
As for how it happened, I already said I was in the parking garage of a casino. I wasn't walking around the back of a pawn shop. I guess common sense told me that the casino would have some kind of basic security to ward off robberies against, you know, people with lots of cash in their pockets. If you try to rob someone inside the casino, they have cameras all over the place, but lo and behold they have none in the garage. See, they only watch THEIR money - not yours.
I was getting out of my car and there were people walking by, as there would be in any parking lot where other cars were parking. I had the door open and was still in the driver's seat and I had turned around to the console in the center to leave my house keys so they weren't in my pocket all night.
So here I am, one leg hanging out of the door, my body turned around, and one of the people who was "walking by" runs at the driver's side door, leans his body against my leg pinning it to the car, and then shoved my face into the side of the passenger seat. As a result, my neck was twisted around and my right arm was pinned against the center console. The steering wheel was also in the way, so it's not like I had any options with my legs or my left arm. Plus, he's jamming this thing into my stomach that I can't see which is at the very least something that he could swing at my head.
For those of you pretending to be bad asses here, I can guarantee that you would have shit yourselves in this exact same situation. The only thing that would have allowed me to get out of this situation is a handgun in my center console or maybe another 100 lbs. of muscle. Since I'm not a 300 lb. NFL player with guns in my car, the only real option was to play along. Had we both been standing up free of obstacle and he approached me, I would have taken him on one-on-one or just ran away.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
if there was some sort of metaphorical meaning to that, i certainly didn't get it.
i don't think there was.
sorry that you got robbed.
----
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not for nothin', but if I posted this shit, I'd be looking at -1.21.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a positive thinker!!!!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-06-14 15:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart, next time you go out like that, do what I do, carry an "extra" small wallet with about 10 bucks in it and old expired credit cards and a few pictures...a dummy wallet if you will.
By the way, the only reason to steal a cell phone anymore is to keep you from calling the cops right away, gives them a few min to get away.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-14 14:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:43:28 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's seee, Garie, Donkie, and now 'eem?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:40:09 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is Gary?
----
okay - that was seriously fucking funny...
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-06-14 14:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-06-14 13:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard about your robbery encounter, that sucks the big one.
Still though... that new phone does seem to have your number, so to speak. One day soon we won't have predictive text, we'll have cellphones that respond to our thoughts and send messages for us so that before we even articulate "hmmm, I'd like some pizza" there will be a guy on your doorstep with and extra large sausage and cheese.
-------
You mean a raging hard-on and cheese pizza?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-06-14 13:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard about your robbery encounter, that sucks the big one.
Still though... that new phone does seem to have your number, so to speak. One day soon we won't have predictive text, we'll have cellphones that respond to our thoughts and send messages for us so that before we even articulate "hmmm, I'd like some pizza" there will be a guy on your doorstep with and extra large sausage and cheese.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-14 12:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know predictive txt is being used by most of my friends, cause they aren't that articulate in speech. How the hell can they write a txt and use vocab they have never used in conversation before?!!?!
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-06-14 12:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
p
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-14 12:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That cell business is like talking to a friend who keeps cutting you off and incorrectly assuming he knows what you are going to say.
You end up throwing both of them against a wall.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not for nothin', but if I posted this shit, I'd be looking at -1.21.
But, I'd have more hits so I have to take that into consideration.
OK, I did.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's seee, Garie, Donkie, and now 'eem?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is Gary?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"It's kind of ironic that I had to get a new cell phone a few weeks ago."
Your text message BEGAN as that?
I always open by recognizing a few prominent members of the audience and a couple of jokes.
You set up your punchline well.
It could've been funnier with a bit (more?) exaggeration, but if you are just relating a straight incident with no embellishment at least it's amusing and not too bloggish.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pseudo-gunpoint?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't possibly be ignorant of Gary's repuation.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"my question is can we get busted by the man if we fucked up his post like this?"
"Yes!" he wrote as thunder and ipchains rules cracked in the background.
-----
Someone is running a very old machine here... Hope it's patched. Maltese might get his hands on a shitty cracker toolkit from 1994 and H4X0R TEH B0X0R!!!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the predictive text for "anna" is "bomb"
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 00:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 05:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Lightly (very lightly) toast english muffin halves. 4 halves will do fine.
2. Spread vegemite on said english muffin halves.
3. Place cheese slices on said vegemite on said english muffin halves.
4. Grill until cheese is bubbling.
5. Remove and eat while hot. Serve with cold glass of milk. Follow with banana
===
wow, you are quite the cook, son.
i bet you can make an awesome bowl of cereals, eh?
----
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95086
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95123
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 last line
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Would have been more interesting if you changed the focus to the robbery and used the phone text as the aside.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-14 11:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who WOULDN'T?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a sec
the pubes in the pool MAY have a bright side.
they may have belonged to some gorgeous athletic babe which swam to keep her physique.
.......and she didn't shave.
no bright side
eww!
the cheese was much better
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:21:55 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
APOLLO IS ALIVE!!!!!!
just about old egg.
post is imminent.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would you put your ass in a bucket of water, and then put your face in the bucket? Prolly not? How about if I put my ass in the water; would you put your face in the bucket then? Not so much. OK, 200 people you don't know all put their asses in the bucket of water, some of them pee or poo a little, and then I'll add just a touch of bleach. Face in bucket? Not even. Everyone in the pool!
I love to swim - used to be a lifeguard 1000 years ago. Working at a public swimming pool put right off them. Now I have my own pool. No pee, no poo, no bleach, and only pubes from people I know.
...or are we still talking about cheese?
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this wasnt entertaining
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
About eight or nine years ago two little teenage kids (like 14 or 15 years old. wtf?), in East St. Louis tried to mug me with a knife as I came out of some dark gas station bathroom at about 2 in the a.m. There was a pushbroom leaning against the wall so I just grabbed it up and slapped the kid with the knife across the face with the handle. His friend just ran like hell after that.
I felt like Batman, except instead of beating up on super villains bent on ruling the world I beat up a teenage kid who wanted my wallet and my Docs.
Could you answer the question below? And keep sicosemen banned forever? And give darko his ratings back?
Thanks, bart, you're a peach.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-13 16:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-07 15:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Bart Cilfone,
Is there a way in which the average Ubersite user would be able to see the overall average of how they have rated on the site? Short of taking a calculator and totting it up from this page: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/moreinfo.cgi?uber=scourge&cutoff=1 , that is?
Just random curiosity on my part, is all.
Thank you. And thanks again for the joy that is Ubersite.
You're a peach.
Loves and kisses,
user #22588
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah but Caul, i love swimming!! It's a risk i take. However it does make me gag.
The other day was worse however when my goggles broke and span round my head spanking me in the eye.
I nearly cried.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pubes get everywhere.
I swim, lots. Blerrgghhhh, its amzing the random pubes ive had in my mouth.
===
:-O
*dies*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just close your mouth, I swim a bit like a goldfish.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time I go swimming that's all I'll be able to think about.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pubes get everywhere.
I swim, lots. Blerrgghhhh, its amzing the random pubes ive had in my mouth.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cheesesteak. Unfortunately, last time I got it was a couple years ago and I found a pube in my sandwich. So I probably won't be eating them again.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 05:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Lightly (very lightly) toast english muffin halves. 4 halves will do fine.
2. Spread vegemite on said english muffin halves.
3. Place cheese slices on said vegemite on said english muffin halves.
4. Grill until cheese is bubbling.
5. Remove and eat while hot. Serve with cold glass of milk. Follow with banana
===
wow, you are quite the cook, son.
i bet you can make an awesome bowl of cereals, eh?
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't they blow up all the bridges leading into that hell hole of a city?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-14 10:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the robbing story would've been more interesting.
cheesesteaks are crap
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know you got robbed because you look like a pussy. and then when he told you he had a gun, you acted like a pussy.
you can pretend you were being smart by giving up the goods because of a 1% chance he really had a gun, but a real man would have socked that motherfucker in the jaw instead of acting like a scared little girl, mary.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My phone now knows to assume words like "episiotomy shears," "mung" and "footjobs."
Oh how I wish for the simpler days of the past.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-14 05:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pseudo-gunpoint is where the guy has something hard and black in his hand and is jamming it in my stomach as though it were a gun while telling me to give him my cash and wallet.
If he really had a gun, chances are he would either (a) clearly show it to me so that I would be more afraid or (b) shoot me so I would be dead. If instead he jams it into my stomach so I can't see it, I'd say it's 99% chance that it's more like a flashlight than a gun.
Regardless, it works well as a threat because there's still that 1% chance it's a gun and 99% chance he could whack me on the head with a flashlight.
----------------
How did he get close enough to shove it in your stomach?
Give us the full run down!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would of liked to hear more about the mugging......or was he black and you cant say
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Isn't that where Michael Jackson is from?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anyone else think that getting mugged is far more interesting than quirks of his cell phone?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck Gary, IN.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
APOLLO IS ALIVE!!!!!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-14 14:02:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, this was a pretty bad post, but I'd still drop a "Thanks for the ratings +1" if I could.
_--------------
Thats not going to get your ratings back!!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, at least it wasn't ass steak
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When I type in the letter 'a' on my cell phone, it tries to complete it as 'aiit'.
I only talk like a black man when I'm drunk, so there you go.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, this was a pretty bad post, but I'd still drop a "Thanks for the ratings +1" if I could.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-14 09:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-14 05:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet the guy who robbed you was Darko, and he was hoping to steal his ratings back.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to Swindon and stand around in Penhill for a bit.
You won't have to wait long.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was robbed I wopuld be traumatised
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sucks to be robbed.
Glad you're okay.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i compliment him on a recipe and he goes ballistic.
strange world
Submitted by Jesus.H.Christ (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look at the retards parade and flock to you, Bart. It's really quite amazing.
---
and so the pot calls the kettle a nigger
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well.....this was interesting.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108621 And I'm the child?
I gave this post enough of my presence...I'll return when Bart posts his reply.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How the hell do they not have a video camera in the parking garage of a casino?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Solid 1
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
child.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-14 08:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about czwij
User id: 30178
Registered on or around: 2007-02-12 09:55:01 EST
# Messages posted: 8
# Reviews written: 377
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 117
# Hits: 2173
Average rating of all messages: -0.11
--------------
HEY BART! LOOK AT ME BART! HEY BART! I'M OVER HERE, REVIEWING YOUR POST 20 TIMES, BART! CAN YOU SEE ME BART! HEH, COOL, LOOK AT ME BART! WOW BART! CAN I SUCK YOUR COCK, BART? CAN I, HUH? HEY BART!
---------------
Shut the fuck up! Your Noob is showing.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i flock not.
good recipe though.
you're still an idiot
but a culinary wonder, idiot
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well.....this was interesting.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look at the retards parade and flock to you, Bart. It's really quite amazing. Anyhow, I'm to assume that you got my last several emails and have used that awesome baby back ribs over beer recipe that I sent you, otherwise you would have wrote back to me. You are that kinda guy, upstanding, responsive, altruistic, aren't you?
Anyhow, sounds like you had a terrible go of it recently and although I've never been to the Midwest I know better to go to that town. If I throw together an online poker tournament, perhaps you'll join us there and all isn't lost after all.
Bart, I would very much like to have Sicosemen unbanned so I can continue with the quality posts that I have churned out on good faith that I do actually have some positive contribution to this website o' yours.
Sidebar--I know it doesn't really go through your head at the moment it's happening, but if it was a 1% chance that it was a gun, I'd probably have taken that chance and a) ran or b) gave him some fisticuffs. And why would a homely looking white person like you travel alone in a darkened territory like that? Don't you know the buddy system?
I hope you retrieve your wallet.
I eagerly await your response, kind sir.
For anyone who wants a kick ass recipe:
MESQUITE SMOKED BABY BACK RIBS OVER BEER
3 slabs baby back ribs
rib rub (your preference)
6 or 12 pack beer
mesquite chips
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup onion, chopped
1 1/3 cups cider vinegar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 cans (about 16 oz) tomato sauce
hot sauce
salt
fresh pepper
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
yellow mustard
dash cayenne pepper
2 sweet onions
2 green peppers
Note: Good smoked ribs require tender loving care, and while not overly difficult, are time consuming.
The Sauce:
Heat olive oil in a medium sauce pan on medium heat, then sauté onion and garlic 2-3 minutes. Add the vinegar and cook for 3 minutes. Add remaining ingredients, per your taste and bring to a low boil; then reduce to a simmer for one hour.
Cool; then serve or refrigerate, as this may be made a few days ahead to allow you to relax while the ribs cook.
Depending on the amount of "bite" you like, adjust the amount of salt (approximately 2 teaspoons) hot sauce (approximately 3 teaspoons) and mustard (3 or 4 good squirts) and cayenne (a few dashes)
Now for the ribs:
1 Day ahead - liberally rub the ribs with your favorite rub (store bought or homemade). Wrap each piece tightly in plastic wrap, and then in aluminum foil. Refrigerate for one day.
Soak chips in water for about 30 minutes, then dry. Heat one side of the grill, (I use a gas grill) and add the chips. When they start smoking, add the ribs, cut in half slabs, to the opposite side of the grill, preferably on a top rack. You may stack them if needed.
Pour one can beer into a disposable aluminum pan, and place over the heat at the back of the grill (this will create some moisture inside to self-baste ribs).
Cook on a low heat. Use a gas grill thermometer to ensure a temperature of 200-225°F degrees. Close the lid to allow the ribs to soak the smoke flavor up, but monitor the temperature, and add chips as needed to keep the smoke billowing.
Every 15 minutes or so baste the ribs - I boil a mix of cider vinegar, lemon juice, hot sauce, pepper, Worcestershire and a little mustard for this.
When the ribs are close to being done, but not quite, I pull them. Rib cook times vary - at this temperature about 3-4 hours would be a good time to check.
When the meat has cooked down from the bone, and the ribs sag on the ends when picked up in the middle by tongs, remove them from the grill.
Preheat the oven to 200°F.
Cut into slices sweet onion and green pepper Place these into the bottom of a baking pan. Cover with beer and water. Slather the ribs with BBQ sauce - then place into the pan Seal tight with aluminum foil and bake for 1-1 1/2 hours.
Remove - Open - Serve!! Remaining beers may be consumed anytime at chef's discretion!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to Philly, Bart. We have both of those.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
if there was some sort of metaphorical meaning to that, i certainly didn't get it.
i don't think there was.
sorry that you got robbed.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
aren't there signs posted around the outskirts of Gary about whitefolk staying the fuck out?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-06-14 07:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-06-14 04:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 title and content
-1 because i now have TWO appetites to sate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like you need more hits and reviews.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm my recently reviewed post have vanished. You doing some tinkering Mr Bart?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you rated it! One of the poor saps who did. I will do another but I have to be , hmm how can i say it, in a certain FRAME of mind.
Weirdly I believe random shit can be trickier to knit together than straightforward stories. But my writing is competly inferior to 60% of what can be produced on this site. People criticise the content of a great deal of posts on here but you do cater for peoples moods and feelings and idea of entertainment.
I can write but I do what entertains me and what makes me chuckle. On the otherhand I like humilating myself by leaving photos of myself around the site.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is all so terrible and yet so intriguing... cheese (obligatory.)
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was yerz?
i liked it and rated it accordingly.
can you do one for lemmy?
i'll send you cheesecake with a side of nails.
mmm, now its dead
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really hope your not in my offie as im the only one here. Apart from Mrs Burns.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart im just going to link whore here because my imaginative ramblings never got any recognoition, perhaps intentionally.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109143
kisses
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To be fair with a choice of making a spreadsheet, pivot tables etc etc regarding statistics of how many houses have built a wendy house in the last 3 years in Bromley OR bleating about cheesecake, cheese cake wins
------------
wholly shit, are you in my office?
yeah, cheese oriented matter wins over most things work related.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109238#2442019
This post of mine was a great evil. It spawned a terrible power.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Accept my sympathies on your violation. I have never been robbed at gun-point, or psuedo gun-point, but I can't imagine it would be fun.
Some people are just scumbags. He'll get his in the end.
And, Thorpe. The muffin in the grill? I have been doing that since I was a child.
And it rocks. Personally, I believe that anything with vegemite and cheese, is awesome.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To be fair with a choice of making a spreadsheet, pivot tables etc etc regarding statistics of how many houses have built a wendy house in the last 3 years in Bromley OR bleating about cheesecake, cheese cake wins.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-14 06:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He made the word up to show off, so he could oppress us. Kinda like the Catholic Church in the Dark Ages being the only dudes who could rea