Salvation. (966 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.62 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fey (View user info) at 2007-05-18 12:39:44 EDT
I'm seated in your church. My tarnish, not displayed nor hidden, bears up under the weight of your high ceilings and polished faith. The sweetly innocent notes of the choir pierce me.
Candlelight flickers across the details of the bronzed images of your martyr. I've always felt he drew the short straw on that one. The attention of the congregation rests on me; cautiously welcoming, neverendlingy curious. My lidded eyes mask from you my discomfort.
I lean back into the pew. Unforgiving, it refuses to yield. With an internal smile, I acknowledge the subtlety of the design; this is not a place to relax. We are here to feel small and unworthy, the pillared arches demand it. My attention is summoned with a discreet cough. Your priest has come to welcome me.
I turn to face him, and watch his unconscious flinch from the raw need he sees in me. It has always been so, that even those whose calling it is to give aid, nourish, have difficulty meeting me. Once, I would have played with it. But I too am tiring, and I let him make his excuses. He turns, the robes of his office flapping around thin ankles as he hurries away from me.
I taste the lives of those seated within my reach. The woman behind carries a wound. It is her son. Her unborn baby is damaged, found by the fist of the father. It will be weak, if it survives. She knows. One hand rests, protectively, despairingly, on the high curve of her belly.
The man beside me radiates health. He glows with the righteousness of one who knows they've found their place and their salvation. But there is an undertone, a single note of darkness that jars the harmony within. I follow it, weaving in and out, under and over. It has been buried deep... Ah... here it is.
Once again, the sins of the father. In another world, at another time, I would have been impressed at the resiliency of the man. That he'd ended the cycle, kept from perpetuating the evil. In this time, in my world, I dig deeper. And I find it, as I know I will. Not your son, no. He is sacred. But your son's friend...
I focus on the girl seated in front of me. I travel the smooth skin of her graceful neck with my eyes and my senses. She tastes of sweetness and spring, of beauty and promise. She has not, yet, succumbed. She is not yet broken. It is rare, rarer than you'd think, and I drink it in. Drawing it in, to replenish and soothe. But she is one, and those who've gone before are many, and I... I am broken.
It is as much a conscious choice as breathing, this delving of mine. It is what I do, it is what I am. It is part of the war we are fighting. The war of unsung heroes and battlegrounds inside our homes, that most of you only visit in your dreams. The war that we are losing.
I have spent decades, lifetimes, at this game. The cat-and-mouse of good and evil. Don't think I cannot hear you scoff. Never for a second believe that your apathy is anything but one of
their tools.
I entered your church, hoping for a moment of peace. I should have known better. I feel the eyes of your priest on my back, as I make my unhurried exit. I have work to do.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
woolfe stop being a dick.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woolfe - Ubers quickest reader.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 12:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still my favourite work of yours.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and I'm nearly through the fags.
wait.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89976#2534682
:(
everytime you infer i'm ghey menz god makes a new zealand kiddie remedial. well more remedial. And btw it's becoming increasingly difficult to find a good post in your user info to attach these things to. I, of course, have written over a hundred amazingly awesome posts because I'm smarter, Australian, and a male. this also makes me more powerful. and faster.
I had to google jenny berggren. how embarrassing for you. There should have been international trade embargos against Sweden for ace of base. oh and for letting one of your folks shag a sheep rooter.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-25 17:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clown Shoes? I've been trying to work this one out, but I'm drawing a blank here..
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-07-24 18:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clown Shoes.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-23 22:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole time I was reading through these comments, I kept hoping for a Christian to call you preachy and then proceed to explain why Christianity is super awesome.
I'd be curious to see another part to this.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-19 16:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
While I'm at it, I thought I'd add a couple of extras onto my list;
c) no alters d) no calling anybody out e) no lovelylady bollocks.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-19 16:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ehm. Meh. Yeh?
I'd be interested in seeing you do something that didn't involve a) genitalia or b) violence. You think you can do it?
===================
How many of my serious pieces have you read. I could give you at least 2 dozen that don't include either of the above, but because I'm on a new found path to liking you, I'll be your huckleberry. Would you like to point me in a direction, or do you want me to just run rampant on my own?
I'm hungover and can't be arsed to move my mouse up to give you a rating. However, I just found out that shift + tab will work, so good for you. Anyhow, I'm still drunk, not hungover. Either way you look at it, I've got a big....
....chin(s).
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-19 08:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this but you're growing on me. Post another story and I promise to read it.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-12 09:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fey where were you from in 'The Land Of the Long White Cloud?'?
If you say Gore, Napier or Hamilton, all communication will cease.....nuthin personal.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-12 06:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, sounds cool. The reason I asked was because I assumed I was meant to have "gotten" it, but I didn't.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-12 04:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... by "you" I meant the character in this post, the person/thing in the church.
But that stuff is good to know as well.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very good, by the way. Who are "you" though?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-06-17 18:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THORPE.
Hook me up with English muffins. I will be your friend. And crumpets. No, I will not be your crumpet, I want crumpets. I can't get them in Sweden. I'll send you vodka and blond girls, on arrival of muffins and crumpets. And pfff, don't tell me england is closer, for some reason I've never been able to find the proper English muffins and crumpets in England.
---------------------------------------
If you want to send me a mailing address I can send you some English muffins, but I reserve the right to harass you and send you small animal carcasses. (thorpe87.at.gmail.com)
I should probably send you a picture of them first, because if you can't get English muffins in England I think it's highly unlikely we have them here.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-29 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you would be so kind as to offer advice, direction or admonishment: http://www.ubersite.com/m/108787
I thank you.
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very good. I wuoldn't go so far as to say you are wasting your talents here, but you must be writing books. If you don't attempt to make a buck with this, you have missed the boat.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-23 13:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock.
Just sayin'.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-05-23 11:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-05-23 07:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-21 17:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno how I ended up there. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm walking down long-deserted dusty corridors, when trawling Uber's darkages.
I think i know what you mean. These post are only a handfull of years old, and appear to be posted in 1982. Kinda like those parisian catacombs. The internet makes everything dated the second it is posted... have a nice day!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-22 04:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did actually read your story and I suppose, although well written It just got my back up! And im neither Religous or anti religon. Its all down to personall experience and I respect what you personally have come across, however it is not the same for everyone. As I am sure you know.
The reason I am not anti religon is that I feel some people gain happiness from it and to me that is what life is all about.
HOWEVER
It has its awful sides, like everything does I guess! The power hungry and people who prey on the weak taking advantage etc.
Generally I believe people follow religon, because they are weak in some way. Be it emotionally, physically etc.
Anyway my tum hurts.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-22 04:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Emission -
You did get my back up. But I'm not arguing with your right to think/feel whatever you like.
She (my character) is not really supposed to feel righteous. She's tired and jaded, has seen far too much, and isn't entirely a saint.
On the other hand, I make no bones about the fact that I am anti religion. But it's more a case of being anti anything that gives the power-hungry easy leverage, anti anything that suppresses individuality, anti anything that supplants free thinking. And I know, all religions aren't necessarily guilty on all charges. But I've met enough of it in my life to avoid them when I can.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-22 03:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope.
Just saying what I think that's all.
That ok?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-21 12:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EmissionImpossible-
My first Freud driven teenage thought is that you're religious.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-21 06:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I dont like it/you sounding so self righteous.
Sticks in my throat a bit.
I do think you are a cool lady but sorry the attitude of the post rubs me up the wrong way.
I wouldn't normally minus a post od someone I liked but this post just makes me think of a rebellious Freud drivven know it all teenager.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-05-21 06:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely written - good work.
+2 for anti religion.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-19 15:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-05-18 23:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Was interesting enough that I want to read more, and that's a good sign.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-18 23:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i do like your style
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-18 19:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The plan (insomuch as there was one) was that this would be an introduction rather than a standalone. Probably should've made that clear.
Thanks for the feedback, people.
And as I can't write from the male perspective (I'll work on it) the character is now female. Has more possibilities that way anyway. :P
Goodnight, all.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-18 17:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IM IN UR CHURCHES
PRAYING TO YOUR GODZ
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't remember asking for a biography..hmm.
Well done though. You please me with your words.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the first sentence and my brain went "Im in ur church, abzolvin' ur sinz", and I couldn't continue reading without thinking that over and over. I'm going to turn off the computer now.
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
I liked this.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really liked the description of the inner deamons. Not too obvious, very good.
I think this would be a great first piece of a series. I think it needs more to stand on its own. That and fify cents will buy you a bag of chips.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deliciously Dark, but I gotta agree with Innie. Your character was a bit neutral in that you seemed like a female writer trying to craft a male story. Male perspectives usually focus more on physical/outward conflict while feminine perspectives often dwell on inner struggles (at least, that's how I percive it anyway). This doesn't mean that a character from one gender cannot have aspects of the other gender in his/her personality; indeed, you must balence such things to achieve believability in your character.
All in all, good work. I like how you think. Take this as positive constructive criticism.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellence.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ghola - Churches are pompous.
The character whose story this is, well.. he's jaded. He's arrogant in his assumption that other people know less than he does. But he's also right, a lot of the time.
------
oooh there's another then. i didn't see where you gave your character a gender if you did but you very obviously write as female. i read this and thought it was a woman. even that first insult post was very feminine. read more books written by men maybe?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
feels kind of pompous.
if that makes sense.
--------
i agree. i like the language, but it's very full of itself and it built up to something that wasn't quite there at the end.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well written, but I'm tired of hearing about churches and the Christian "God." Maybe pick something less well known next time, maybe even a "dead" god or goddess.
The Christian imagery is just so... classic. Established is a better word I think. Boring. Still, it was very well written.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ghola - Churches are pompous.
The character whose story this is, well.. he's jaded. He's arrogant in his assumption that other people know less than he does. But he's also right, a lot of the time.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Her unborn baby is damaged, found by the fist of the father.
=====================
+2 Baby Fisting.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
feels kind of pompous.
if that makes sense.
hearts and kisses,
ghola
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool Stuff.