A very important message (1416 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.34 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spencer Thompson (View user info) at 2007-05-05 13:22:31 EDT
If this --candidate-- does not get more support, sunny days will cease to happen. I'm serious. --Candidate-- spoke so eloquently last night at --event-- and his opinions are the only ones that even sense in this tireless field of tired --party-- politicians who only spout --party-- rhetoric.
Here is how important it is that --candidate-- wins:
If --candidate-- wins, sound energy will fuel our cars. You'll be able to drive two hundred miles on one Cake CD.
If --candidate-- does not win, your favorite movie will have never happened. The effect of --candidate--'s loss will literally resonate through history and set in motion events that will end the production of said movie before it could have possibly begun. Imagine a world where you favorite movie never happened. That's the world where --candidate-- does not win --office--.
If --candidate-- wins, all wars will end, including wars we are not immediately involved in. Religious violence will end because --candidate-- will say "Hey, guys, stop it," and the terrorists will listen to. If --candidate-- wins, the terrorists win (compassion, they win the gift of compassion, is what I'm saying).
If --candidate-- does not win, I don't know what I'll wake up with instead of hands. I just know one thing. They won't be hands. They will be something else.
--Candidate--'s positions are so well reasoned that Socrates himself wouldn't even be able to question them.
If --candidate-- wins, global warming will continue to exist, but instead of the world heating overall, only New England, Olde England, and your bedroom will heat up by a comfortable amount of degrees. The poles will remain cold. The equator will be less ridiculously fucking hot.
If --candidate-- does not win, the Earth might commit suicide. I mean imagine waking up --day after election date-- and the Earth is just dead, that's it, just dead, and it's left us a note that says "I can't live in a me where --candidate-- is not elected." What then, uh?
If --candidate-- does not win, orange juice will no longer taste good. You won't be able to "see" television, you'll have to feel the screen to know what's happening. Glass won't be clear anymore. Our nerves will stop registering "pleasure" and instead will only register pain, even if a really hot chick is massaging you.
If --candidate-- does not win, no one will be capable of proprioception anymore. If you want to know where your hands are you're going to have to look and check for yourself.
If --candidate-- does not win, the Sun will be made angry. The Sun must not be made angry.
If --candidate-- does not win: Sex? Yeah, not anymore. For anybody
Worse of all, if --candidate-- never wins, I might never shut the fuck up.
This is very, very important.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-07 12:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-05-07 09:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If --candidate-- does not win, I don't know what I'll wake up with instead of hands. I just know one thing. They won't be hands. They will be something else.
hahahahahaha
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-05-07 09:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find it humorous that whoever's behing the Uniter (apollo, right?) still continues to bother to log in and rate posts even after any amount of heat that she could generate has vanished.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-07 08:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-06 12:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2007-05-06 09:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It had potential in the same way that chlamydia does.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-05-06 04:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-06 03:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stealed a chocolate and strawberry cake from a party today
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-05 23:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2007-05-05 21:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking tool
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No, Tool wouldn't work either, you'd be better of listening to Cake.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-05 23:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-05 21:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is even worse than building a wall across Mexico. :/
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2007-05-05 21:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking tool.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-05-05 21:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-05 21:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cake
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-05-05 19:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-05-05 19:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaaaaaaa..... um.
Cake? Dude, if you've heard "Going The Distance," you've heard their entire song collection. Twice.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-05 18:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY FUCK OFF CUNT FACE!! WE ARE GOING UP YAY PLUS 2 PRICK HEAD.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-05 17:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
:-|
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-05-05 16:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-05-05 16:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-05-05 15:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
does Fashion Nugget produce more gas mileage than Prolonging the Magic? I bet it does.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-05 14:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it seems I have no choice in the matter.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Earned my vote.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok darko here is where your problem is:
You're probably functionally retarded or something I mean seriously Cake is awesome the end.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57127
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll be able to drive two hundred miles on one Cake CD.
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I heard where the government hushed up cars that could do 50 miles to the Comfort Eagle
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I had to look up "proprioception."
---
I had to, too. Knew the concept, forgot the word long ago. I think it's also called in "Kinesthetic sense."
For anyone else reading this, it's the sense of knowing what position your body is in. If you hold your arms out in front of you and close your eyes, you still know where your arms are even if you can't see them.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You'll be able to drive two hundred miles on one Cake CD."
Yeah, but the downside to that is you have to listen to Cake
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Ok and thus ends our friendship.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I had to look up "proprioception."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-05 13:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You'll be able to drive two hundred miles on one Cake CD."
Yeah, but the downside to that is you have to listen to Cake