25 Drinks to Life (SUPA - Round 2) (460 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.9 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2007-04-17 15:49:29 EDT
I take a seat
next to whomever
And order a tequila shot
with a beer chaser
I have catching up to do.
My friends are in mid-frenzy
Talking about [random current event]
Arguing about [trivial sports debate]
And I feign participation
A cute friend of mine
informs me of the latest developments with [celebrity relationship]
My sarcasm goes undetected
The subject of whether angels exist never comes up.
Neither do we discuss our own demons.
I am everyone, tonight
And I hate it
I feel my cheeks
start to tingle
I order a beer
with a tequila chaser
I've caught up by now.
But I'd rather, discuss my passions
and what I do, when noone's watching
But I've learned, through trial and error
that meaningful questions are a buzz-kill
They also rarely get you laid.
I take a seat
next to myself
and the bartender pours
Forgetting how to truly live,
Focusing on how to continue dying.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-19 14:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's a gem and a half.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85706#1899974
Who knew one year later your soup reference would still hold water?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 23:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The subject of whether angels exist never comes up.
Neither do we discuss our own demons.
Forgetting how to truly live,
Focusing on how to continue dying.
---
These, to me, are great. It's not that I didn't care for the rest as much as it is that I didn't really get into the presentation. The brackets were a nice touch...the vague and essential heart of the everyday and the forgettable. I never felt a rhythm or a flow to this, which might have been a nice touch if you could work it...maybe have portions of the piece pour out almost as if they were the drinks themselves. Interruptions and distractions, provided by brief or odd lines, would present an opportunity to throw in paired lines like the ones above.
This is all just surface stuff, really. No sense in trying to make your ideas suit my preferences.
Great title, by the way.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-18 17:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very good. I enjoyed reading this.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Poopy_Butt_Johnson (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great job! All of this is very true.
It's hard to break through the clutter to get down to some business. Even when you tap into those important subject, you wonder if your audience is really hearing you, or just waiting until it's their turn to talk.
We're ALL pretty good a doing both.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-17 21:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and what I do, when noone's watching"
Is that Peter Noone, of Herman's Hermits?
_________
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, I'd rather, discuss your passions
and what you do, when no one's watching
_________
Ha, must've proofread this thing half-a-dozen times and didn't see the glaring need for a space there.
(I sometimes dance when no one's watching, like Napoleon Dynamite, just for practice.)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. I like the use of the bracketed phrases.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-18 05:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really good.
Excellent, in fact.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-18 01:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-17 21:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and what I do, when noone's watching"
Is that Peter Noone, of Herman's Hermits?
Heh.
Good shit, bozo...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am everyone, tonight
And I hate it
===
Those nights are the worst- sometimes, when I'm in a silly, social mood, it's fine...other times, I loathe it. I used to live with men whose idea of drunk talk was to discuss Einstein's fatal flaw. My friends are wicked s-m-r-t- sometimes it's a bit overwhelming, but I'd take it any day over the alternative.
Now, I'd rather, discuss your passions
and what you do, when no one's watching
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-17 19:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love it
---------
My leige.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-17 19:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love it
Submitted by Nugk (user info) at 2007-04-17 17:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your no Bukowski. But I enjoyed this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment