SUPA- The Artist (794 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Whore of Babylon (View user info) at 2007-04-10 10:45:41 EDT
This is my attempt at blank verse. I say attempt for obvious reasons.
The Artist
Six years spent honing her craft, the degrees
Now hidden away on some back room wall.
Set aside for more practical matters.
"The world doesn't need another artist."
She teaches autistic children to paint.
She has a home, a car, and a husband.
When he stretches the canvas on the frame
For her, she'll place her hand upon his head.
She'll trace the topography of his scalp
With her fingertips. She will see the past,
The old altar, where life meets life, she'll see
Slow Death, disguised as a path, snickering.
It is a good life, a true life. She chose.
Still, daily, she bows. Skin sloughs off her knees,
Her mute mouth begs with a question: which life
Among these was worthy of sacrifice?
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-13 19:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dang it - just read this again and want to amend +2
thank god you got through anyway.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 18:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But I loved this:
She will see the past,
The old altar, where life meets life, she'll see
Slow Death, disguised as a path, snickering.
I wish you'd have centered the piece on this, on phrenology and discovering an individual and a world on the most hidden and obvious of surfaces. Great lines, especially the last one.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 18:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There's a whole world here, and I don't believe I was meant to feel comfortable stopping by for a visit. The poem reads comfortably enough for something with such a wide scope. How does one set down a life in sixteen lines? With much difficulty and loss.
And that's where I am. I'm at a loss because I feel like I should know this person to care about the details of her life.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-11 07:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 03:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-11 02:04:39 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could read people's minds.
Some of the deepest thoughts occur when you can't even tell.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-11 00:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's aight.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-10 21:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could read people's minds.
Some of the deepest thoughts occur when you can't even tell.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yah, ghola, that would be one of the obvious reasons for calling it an attempt. It's very difficult to keep iambic rhythm up and still say what you want to say.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck to all contestants.
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:03:30 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm assuming you were shooting for english blank verse though. (which is the only type i'm familar with)
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IN SOVIET RUSSIA, BLANK VERSE WRITES YOU
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm assuming you were shooting for english blank verse though. (which is the only type i'm familar with)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did like it though.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-10 15:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It has ten syllables per line, but it isn't in blank verse or even close.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. I think it would have been better to not squeeze it into stanzas though.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
me likey.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes! Excellent.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff here, 'Nansie.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd say you did a fine job. Then again, I know little about poetry except how to rhyme.
Feel Free to Send me a +2 anytime.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/100431
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why not. Shlongy's a big fan of whores.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment