SUPA: I've Been Waiting... (726 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by miss berry (View user info) at 2007-04-09 13:51:06 EDT
You call my name...Rachael
Beckoning me into your quarters.
I follow with big eyes
And a tinge of excitement.
It's finally time to be filled.
You sit me down and tell me
This won't hurt
A bit.
I trust you as I always have.
I open my mouth
W I D E,
Waiting for you to
Enter me.
Your warm, cylindrical instrument
Probes my inner cheek.
My saliva
Drenches your tool.
It's finally time for you
To enter my deepest parts.
I gently moan
As you fill my cavity completely.
After the white paste
Fills my molar
Our mission has been satisfied.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I pronounced the name as "Rach-aye-ell" in my head. I don't know why.
This is neither here nor there.
This is me rambling.
I don't know whether to criticize word choice given that you were definitely limited by the reveal at the end. A word like 'tool' jumps out at me, not because it tips your hand and gives away the ending, but rather because it just doesn't fit with what you're trying to accomplish. I'm sure some people (read: guys) think that tool is a sexy word, but there's an air of seduction and need about this piece and 'tool' brings me out of it.
"But Orgasmatron, what about 'cylindrical instrument?' That comes before 'tool.'"
Lump them all together, then. I think if you attempted to draw out the notion of instrumentation, of hardware, that these words would work. The trouble is that doing so might bore your reader, and getting their eyes to the bottom and the image below in a timely fashion is definitely your goal.
Oh whatever I thought it was hot and now I'll think of deepthroating the next time I'm getting a cleaning.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember you promised me a blowjob if I gave you this +2.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-11 14:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good match, berry. A part of me actually hopes you win because I'm not good at keeping up with contests. I have four papers to finish by the 20th. Ha ha, what was I thinking?
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I, too, am not good at keeping up with contests. What happens if there's a tie? Right now we're tied, my love!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good match, berry. A part of me actually hopes you win because I'm not good at keeping up with contests. I have four papers to finish by the 20th. Ha ha, what was I thinking?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 02:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
saw it coming, but still good!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-10 21:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HAHA- Clever.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck to all contestants.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy does NOT want to go up gainst THIS poetess in Round 2.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skeet.
Now what's this SUPA thing?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-10 06:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pure filth, i came three times.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-10 04:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-04-09 19:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got sprung while reading this
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-04-09 17:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly...you all disgust me!!!
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Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are all pervs.
There's nothing sexual about this poem.
SHAME ON YOU!!
_____________
Nice follow up.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i've seen this, or a variation thereof, as a forwarded email/message on myspace and facebook. isnt that against the rules?
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I can guarantee you've never seen this. It's 100% original.
Wait...unless you're my Creative Writing professor. Then you've seen it.
ARE YOU MY CREATIVE WRITING PROFESSOR?!
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I can assure you that I'm not
But I have had a variation of this same poem, sexual innuendo filled trip to the dentist, left on my page (thought I've deleted it) and seen others
BUT, it also doesn't matter, as I am the only one that has seen it
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Apparently I'm the only one who got this chain mail in 1996
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think she is...She's my side shag piece.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i've seen this, or a variation thereof, as a forwarded email/message on myspace and facebook. isnt that against the rules?
-----------------------------------------------
I can guarantee you've never seen this. It's 100% original.
Wait...unless you're my Creative Writing professor. Then you've seen it.
ARE YOU MY CREATIVE WRITING PROFESSOR?!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I turn me on.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:49:03 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are all pervs.
There's nothing sexual about this poem.
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i would love to janx all over your face...now bake me some cookies, missy!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I got a tool for ya..." etc. etc.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i've seen this, or a variation thereof, as a forwarded email/message on myspace and facebook. isnt that against the rules?
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly...you all disgust me!!!
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are all pervs.
There's nothing sexual about this poem.
SHAME ON YOU!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This would have been better if your mouth was filled with dick, instead of those fucking dentists' instruments.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:36:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET
...only suggestion would be to use another word for 'fill' at the end. Twice in a row is a little awkward.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Clever, but I would have liked it better if the language was elevated and not so obviously sexual before the reveal.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Saw it coming a mile away, but it was written well and I enjoyed it.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rachael, the replicant girl from Blade Runner? Cool.
"How can it not know what it is?"
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
clever.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHORE. SLUT. HOLE. COCK HOLSTER. XOXOXOXOXO
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
trust me, i'm a doctor.
*wink*
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-09 13:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!