SUPA - The Crematory Urn (710 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.5 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by skrapmetal (View user info) at 2007-04-06 09:26:24 EDT
Safe and warm, kept quite secure
All needs met by eternal rite
Terrified and traumatized
Darkness becomes light
This glad new experience
Of learn and grow and play and learn
'Til we find the knowledge of
The crematory urn
The years spent contemplating
What careful analysis finds
All knowledge is but nonsense
From other fool's minds
Aged now and past youth's gaze
The books and thoughts congeal anew
A certainty arises then
Learn what only dead men knew
Forever has no meaning
Save some fool priest's poor assurance
The learning mind left wanting
More than one life grants
By choice, aware and learning
The question soon to lie at rest
But no answer brought to light
Revealed by this test
His son's own son stood wondering
While he saw the wood pyre burn
His son's own son gained knowledge of
The crematory urn
For God is a woman straddling a grave.
With the spark She provides at your moment of birth
make best of your time and good memories save
as you live your life falling from Heaven to Earth
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 23:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-11 23:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would have been ballsy, but I think you could have cut everything but the last stanza.
It's quite strong.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-11 19:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-11 19:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Started strong.
Started to lose momentum until the last stanza, for me at least.
Good, good, though.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-11 18:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not sure whose I liked better, so I'm just going to rate you two the same.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup, thats poetry alright
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-11 11:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-11 11:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked some of this, though the rhythm you mentioned was less than consistent throughout.
I really loved the last lines.
Good effort.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 02:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck to all contestants.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the rhythm was a tad choppy
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-09 09:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-06 16:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
relatiltory+2TODEATH
Submitted by ThatsGodToYouBitches (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-06 12:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was okay.
I liked the last stanza, though it could use tweaking.
It might have been interesting to start with that last bit and then wind your way back to it at the end.
But for some reason I wanted you to free yourself from meter and rhyme completely and just write it straight out.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-06 12:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was okay.
I liked the last stanza, though it could use tweaking.
It might have been interesting to start with that last bit and then wind your way back to it at the end.
But for some reason I wanted you to free yourself from meter and rhyme completely and just write it straight out.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-06 12:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really good
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-06 09:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not one mention of Keith Richards's dad's ashes?
I hate poetry.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-04-06 09:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's 7875 except for the last stanza. The last stanza is a rewrite of something I wrote in a review once and is the basis for the first part of it.